Love/Hate Relationship

This job for lack of a better term is a love/hate relationship.

I love that I am making money.

It really sucks not knowing where you are going to get the money to pay your bills, but with this job, it's kind of a surprise, to a degree.  You never know when you are going to make money, but when you go home with BILLS in your pockets, it's a good feeling to know that you will be able to pay for your cell, rent, school loans, etc.

However, on the flipside, it has been really slow lately and sometimes there have been nights in the past couple of weeks where I have not felt like doing anything and either not going to work or if I do go in, I don't sit with any clients, and then I still make no money.  Not exactly convincing me to show up for work.

Another good aspect of my job...there are alot of regulars that come in.

Believe it or not, it's not just all bang bang and that's it.  Some clients are like that, others definitely come in to enjoy our conversation and company.  There is one man, named H that will come in to chat and kiss and pay more money than a fuck.  Also, most of the guys that come in are very successful.  I have a met at least a handful that are trying to give me advice on going back to school and get my masters or finding different places to apply for full-time positions (which at this point I still want), etc.

The bad aspects of my job.

Well, besides the money not always being consistent and reliable, there is the aspect that I'm constantly having to put aside my feelings and natural gag reflexes to please a man that may be overweight, not know how to shave right or at all, tiny penises, hearing their bullshit reasons about not using a condom, blah, blah, blah.

Flipside of that, there are some fine men that come in.

Another bad thing about working at this job is that I went from being a very straight-edge girl to being exposed to so many other things that I ever thought I would encounter, like drugs.

I've been offered coke, ecstasy, weed, kush, etc.  It's kinda crazy, but the one thing that I've always wanted to try was coke.  And I've easily fallen into the habit of saying yes.

Last thing that I hate about my job is the guys.  A LOT of them are married.  I'll this once, twice, many times...I won't do this job forever.  One day, it will come that I will have a full time job again and I will meet the man of my dreams and live happily ever after.  But, because of this job, I don't think I can ever fully trust a guy to never cheat on me.  I mean, it is ASTONISHING how many people actually are married, come in and cheat on their wives on a regular basis.  Some of them have disclosed their reasonings as being fed up with their wives, kids, etc.

It makes me wonder, how many wives have an out like these guys!?  Will I ever be able to trust a man that I'm in a serious relationship with?

Well, there you have it...a few reasons why I have a love/hate relationship with my hostess position.

Wish me lots of money.